March 14, 2014 § Leave a comment
Two ladies perch at the front of the class, sip their Costa coffee.
Alecia: “I am not content, because when I see Alex’s father, I feel inferior. Because fuck it, social status changes everything. It shouldn’t get to me, but it does.
When I say that, I mean I’ll change. And the worst part is, I’ll love it.
I’ve been trained well. All my rearing and private school education has been in singular preparation for this wildcard situation.
It will help me become skinny.”
Fleur: “Hashtag “katemiddletoned”.
I have got to say that if hashtags were a profession, I’d be fucking winning.”
Alecia: “I have completely and utterly fallen for this man.”
February 16, 2014 § Leave a comment
He hailed from Studio 54
On the moon –
Shuttered chest, curl-tipped toes, oriental-space-via-millefeuille fusion shit.
He had the background,
But no more vision.
So he bought some hash and got his visions,
And he moved the moon and he shifted the stars,
Tacked up a period in between ’54’ so it read:
– He reclined.
There were divans in this borrowed fantasy.
And the moon was thrilled
And the hash dealer was happy
And the thrift stores gained some business.
But the professor didn’t really notice –
There was still some guy looking
Out the window of his class
Wearing pointy-ass shoes.
December 11, 2013 § Leave a comment
Going to name my child Soba… or my cat.
Neither exist, and maybe I’m condemning these foetal beings, still in their ideational infancy, to gluten-free, Japanese-centric lives.
But, I’m cool with that.
I like names with two syllables. I like names that can be pronounced in any language, and ones that go well on a Starbucks’ cup.
When I take my cat or child to Starbucks, they’ll order their soy latté grandés without the extra stress of having to invent an alias.
My second born shall be Millefeuille.
November 23, 2013 § Leave a comment
He referred to style as some visual Esperanto.
“Lo!”, he exclaimed. “Cross-cultural negotiation can, nay must be conducted via hat and scarf and sock. Only one thousand people may be native to style globally. Its codes are understood by many, but spoken fluently by few.”
I replied: “Style, like Esperanto? Easy to learn, sir? Nay! Free from politics? Pah! Auxiliary? Hardly.”
His pseudo-cosmopolitanism was dripping all over my millefeuille. So I took his “visual Esperanto” and raised him one:
“Style is demiurgic manuscript”.
And then all that was left was the hollow thwang of increasingly complex analogies and the foreboding doom of Malapropisms.
November 22, 2013 § Leave a comment
Think you’re pretty clever coming up with the phrase: “The medium is the message, the lens is the microphone”.
That’s the stuff thesis titles are made of. Good job. Have a millefeuille. Sip some green tea. Take the rest of the day off.
Then you realise “lens” is already kind of a metaphor…an eye-based metaphor… you’re not even adhering to the same sensory framework.
Or maybe it’s not a metaphor. Maybe it’s an image. ?!… ?
You Google the word “lens”.
Yep, definitely a metaphor ..
But maybe if the medium is the MASSAGE, then having a lens be a microphone isn’t so bad? Sip some green tea. Take the rest of the day off.
November 12, 2013 § Leave a comment
Wake up thinking I’m Frida Khalo.
Paint myself. Don’t have paints or a canvas, so use lipstick and foundation and my actual face.
Repeat the phrase “I was born a bitch. I was born a painter.”
Put flowers on my head. Consider eating Mexican food. Feel repulsed by my own lack of cultural depth. Still, crave tacos.
Why is Orientalism so often wrapped up in attitudes to food? Mmmm… Orientalism. Now can’t stop thinking about fried rice.
Stare at myself in the mirror. Try very hard to grow a monobrow.
Feel a little lonely. Wander around my kitchen.
Identity crisis. My culture bone is broken, just like Frida’s ribs, pelvis, spinal cord.
Suddenly remember why I do LIBERAL arts. Thesis paper identified: “Paints, Floral Arrangements, Monobrows: Situating Frida Khalo within a contemporary culturo-feminist matrix, with extra notes on globalization and international cuisine